The Good Change
by Carol Lee
For someone born and raised in Hong Kong, my secondary school grades were average. I only had the chance to complete a university degree because my parents encouraged me to further my studies in the UK. This prepared me for my earlier careers in different sectors like insurance, banking, media and technologies.
In the last decade, I returned to school as a parent and assistant. I got trained and was hired by the local Council to support primary school students from Hong Kong. Through work, I met many recently arrived students and parents, and I am spotting a trend: academic success doesn't always correlate with the development of qualities like kindness and resilience. In fact, when parents get too obsessed with the pursuit of good grades, they might overlook their children’s character development, leaving the children ill-prepared for the challenges of adulthood.
As fellow Hong Kongers who grew up under the stressful and all-consuming Hong Kong education system, we are probably very familiar with this story: how entire family braces themselves and put extracurricular activities and even family activities on hold during exam periods, as examinations are seen as knockout tournaments and bad results a de facto death sentence on one’s future opportunities. Some parents even take part in these “tournaments” as sport managers / coaches: there are parents who, sometimes with the help of domestic helpers, handle everything for the children from packing school bags to dressing or making the bed. Everything is being taken care of, so that children only need to take care of their studies.
However, as human beings we do not nurture through study alone: it is the family activities and relationships, including everyday tasks like household chores and extracurricular activities, which contribute to children's character development. Consider this: how can our children learn that a moment’s failure would not define them as long as they are willing to try again, when we reinforce the anxiety that every bad exam result is “the end of the world”? How can our children learn teamwork, communications and other vital life skills, if not from the time the family spends together – and especially during the sharing of chores?
In a way, for our children, moving to the UK does not only mean moving to a new education system which encourages holistic learning and the fostering of curiosity. By moving into a much less-demanding and more diversified, inclusive learning environment, the time we used to spend on studies and the pursuit of good grades can now be freed up for the development of character through time together as a family: time to play together, to talk together, travel to school together, and to do household chores together. They will not learn from the textbooks in times like this, but they will learn from the characters and gentleness of their parents.
For most of the Hong Kong children, coming to the UK will feel like a breath of fresh air: gone are the heavy school bags and the endless list of homework and assignments. Gone also are the constant pressure of endless studies, training and extracurricular practices and the stress of getting admitted to top-tier schools. Here, there is a chance for children and parents to refocus on relationships and family life, and for children to prioritise self-discoveries and pursuit of interests that will lead to a fulfilling life.
So, how much of a blessing this move to the UK will be for our children and ourselves? That, dear parents, will depend on whether we ourselves can accept these new changes with wisdom, patience and an open, learning heart, and whether we can make the best use of this new-found time together with our children.
